#21: Pop.

Saturday night, in the blur that it was.

"Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack."

#20: Gibberish.

I am grateful. I'm grateful for a lot of things. The clothes on my back, the roof over my head, the handful of friends I can (without a doubt) count on in any situation.

Yet I still have trouble sleeping. I lie awake at night wishing for something to change, willing myself to strive for a whole new scene, trying to figure a way out of this mess that has mysteriously conjured up. I lie awake at night wondering if waking up the next day would make a difference.

The unhappiness, the bitter resentment, the lack of encouragement. If they are all I have left, then I must have picked the shortest straw. I think you have failed to realize that it has always been easier for the rich to tell the poor not to steal.

Wait. Be patient. I will prove you wrong.

"Did someone break your heart inside?"

#19: Last.

I wish you were here so I could rant for hours without having to filter through the thoughts. I wish you were here so I could hear you laugh everything off and tell me to permanently ditch them boys. I wish you were here so I could make play lists for you. I wish you were here so I could pretend to not believe you when you try to convince me that no boy would ever fully deserve me.

I wish you were here just so I could talk to you. I really miss that.

Three years, two months and twenty-one days.

"Heavy is the mind that can't be told when it's time to let it go."

#18: Angels.

Me: We take 'all-rounded' to a whole other level.

Mandy: We smart mah. We drink like fishies sometimes. Smoke like chimneys. Okay, this one not we la. Ahahhahahaha. But we're pretty awesome. Summore, I'm in a church musical. LOL.

Vid: We all play the piano hahahahhahahahhaaa.

WTF VID? DAMN RANDOM RIGHT.

I love you two more than love loves itself ♥.

"So take the photographs and still frames in your mind."

#17: Call.

I wish I could be strong enough to put this all behind. I wish I wasn't so preoccupied with living in the blissful happiness of January. I wish I didn't let myself get so tangled up in this mess we've created.

I think that out of everything, I probably miss the comfort the most. I honestly didn't know it was possible to be that comfortable with a person - the way we were with each other. My sister told me a few days ago that it's extremely difficult to find a really good friend in the opposite sex and I completely agree. With you, I felt safe and I felt content. And now I feel that if I let go of the memories, I'm letting go of us altogether, pretending that it never happened.

But maybe that's for the best. Maybe my initial idea of the next four years was just a delusion that manifested itself from the hope and blind faith I held onto inside. Maybe it was just never really meant to be.

I hate sounding like a broken record.

"I'm not trying to be a nuisance, I just think we can do better than this."

#16: Bulletproof.

Every time I think we're making progress, you just happen to pull us 846923 steps back.

"Sudahlah sayang, I don't believe you."

#15: Blue.

You were on my mind last night, Funny Face.

"And I still taste it on my tongue."