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Wednesday, June 26, 2013

#98: Rosemary.


And now you can't / don't / won't.

"Hey, why can't we look the other way?"

Friday, May 17, 2013

#97: Tea.

My body clock still hasn't adjusted to this new found 'freedom'. I woke up early this morning, the sun barely peeking through the curtains. I turned to my side and noticed the obscene number of pillows on my bed. I had read somewhere that the more pillows you fill your bed with, the lonelier you actually are. Could it be true?

I continued to shift around in bed trying to find a comfortable position. And then I heard it. It started off as a quiet rumbling in the distance but gradually grew louder as the minutes passed by. A smile creeped onto my face. There was a storm brewing outside.

There is just something so comforting about the rain. Perhaps it is the rustling of leaves or how I love watching the trees dance with the wind. Maybe it is the gloomy sky that I secretly think mirrors my pysche or the cool air that we are often left with. I can never really put my finger on it but one thing is for sure - I love it when it rains.

I pulled my comforter closer to me, letting it envelope me completely. I closed my eyes and listened to the gushing rain. It was almost like music to my ears. And for the first time in weeks, as ironic as it may seem, I felt...at peace.

"I'm only happen when it rains."

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

#96: Breathless.

Though I'm far away,
I know I'll stay, I know I'll stay,
Right there with you.
- Sun; Two Door Cinema Club

Happy (sort of) Anniversary, RPD ♥ x

"And I know, and I know that I'm in love with you."

Saturday, April 13, 2013

#95: Star-crossed.

 

Today marks 230 days since I last saw him in person and another 122 to go before I feel that long awaited embrace.

Needless to say, I'm counting down by the minute.

"You make me happy when skies are grey."

Tuesday, April 09, 2013

#94: Felicity.

Today, I took stock of all material posessions that filled my wardrobe. Bags, clothes, shoes, accessories. And although it is only human nature to want more, I realised that I have (more than) enough. I may not have the fanciest of things or the widest of collections but I have all that I need. And for that I am grateful.
 
I do believe it is healthy to treat yourself once in awhile (retail therapy does work, ya'll) but think I'm at that phase of my life where I am okay being without certain material things in exchange for experiences that will last a lifetime. So, I have decided to sell a few things online this summer which would hopefully contribute a little to my 'Carpe Diem' fund.

Fingers crossed!

"What you don't have you don't need it now."

Thursday, April 04, 2013

#93: Feather.

I enjoy driving. In exchange for completing my tertiary education locally (and for the sake of convenience), I am lucky enough to have been given my own car. My drives aren’t usually very long but I dare say they’re almost therapeutic. Sometimes I blast my music, bobbing my head along to the beat (my current playlist consists mostly of Bloc Party, Prodigy and The Temper Trap – can you tell I’m still on a high from FMFA?). Other times I rather enjoy driving in silence. It gives me a chance to reflect on many a thing and today, I thought about how my character has changed over the last two years.

I’m not quite sure if they are noticeable differences but I feel a change in mind set. It took me some time to move on from having to withdraw my university admission at Edinburgh and although I still often ponder over the ‘What If’s’, I find myself able to look at it in a more positive manner. I am a strong believer of fate and if something is meant to be, it will be. If it isn’t, no matter how hard you try or how desperately you want it, things will simply not work out.

Being at one of my lowest points (thus far) back in 2010 taught me how to get back on my own two feet and that the only person who could change my life for the better would be me. I was like a child who was throwing a temper tantrum on the floor only to suddenly stop, stand up, wipe the tears away and continue moving forward. I know this change didn’t happen overnight but I could possibly attribute the biggest leap to when I turned 21 last December and (finally) realised there is still so much to do, so much that I would love to do and so much that I am capable of doing 

I do not want to look back at my 20s and regret that I didn’t at least try to work towards achieving something substantial.

My first step was to step out of my comfort zone and put more of an effort into making my schooling experience here more bearable. As cliché as it may sound, I was determined to be the best that I can be and no set back in the past should stop me from doing just that. I started attending classes with a more positive outlook. I also joined the student council and truth be told, contributing to the betterment of my department has given me a slightly more profound sense of purpose.

One of my dad’s famous lines of advice is “Involve yourself in things that would be beneficial and add value to you.” As stubborn as I am, I have to admit that he’s right. We only have that many hours in a day, a week, a month, a year and it should not be ‘wasted’ on things that would not benefit you or bring you happiness in any way. I am determined, now more than ever, to work towards excellence not only in my studies but also in my preparation for a stellar career and on a personal level too.

I am determined to be Superwoman. 

My theory is that if I enjoy what I am doing, it wouldn’t feel like I’m stretched in too many ways. With that optimism (and/or delusion), right after my exams next month, I will be part of a team of 11, coordinating my department’s biggest event of the year while simultaneously starting my full-time summer internship at an auditing firm before embarking on an almost four week long adventure in August (more commonly referred to as Project Butterfly Tramp Stamp).

I also want to kick-start my cupcake business, be more involved with EPIC Homes as well as contribute to Curasian. I want to work more so I can save more then travel more. I want to spend as much time as possible with family and friends, refurbish an antique side table for my room, sort the photos that are to be displayed, complete my book list and not let my Nike Airs (and swimwear) collect too much dust.

I don’t really know why I’ve gone on a major rant and written all that I have. Perhaps it is a reminder to me (or to anyone reading this) that right now, in this moment, the possibilities are endless. And with that I think that there is no better time to build a life that you are proud of.

Do what you love and do it well.

“What are you holding out for? What's always in the way?"

Thursday, March 21, 2013

#92: Turn.

I sit here in a place once so familiar. Noah and the Whale plays softly in the background while I strategically choose the seat in the corner. I try to convince myself that this ice blended caffein free vanilla frap is better than the beer that I am craving. After all, it's only half past eleven in the morning.

I watch the people that come and go. I wonder how their week has been. I wonder what jobs they have and what music they listen to. There was this one couple that intrigued me. "That used to be us", I thought. It seems so long ago since we've had moments like that - where things seemed so simple, so carefree.

I think of all the times we've spent here. There was always this comfortable silence between us. You'd read your book and I'd read mine and I hadn't known what it was like to be that in love and feel that loved in return. I remember curling my fingers around yours, head gently resting on your shoulders. I remember our smiles.

I'm glad we had that summer and I'm glad that I had you. 

"Yeah I'd give it all back just to do it again."

Thursday, March 14, 2013

#91: Hypnotic.


They asked me to place the pin where my heart is; but I couldn't decide.

"Soon it will all be over buried with our past."

Friday, February 15, 2013

#90: Favourite.

I see you every Sunday when I turn to your side of the bed. 

I see you as I shamelessly dance around the room.

I see you in the shower.

I see you when I'm having chicken rice by the breakfast counter.


I hear you just before I fall asleep.

I hear you just when I wake up.

I hear you when I listen to The Wombats, Phoenix or Arctic Monkeys.

I hear you every time there's a pain in my knees.


I feel you as I take a sip of our favourite tea.

I feel you as I drive by that road leading to your house.

I feel you when I notice my hair covering my breasts.

I feel you when the day is done and I've just sorted out the mess.


I see you, I hear you, I feel you. But I know you're no longer there.

And then I realise, a part of me will always be your pair.


"If anything could ever be this good again."

Monday, February 04, 2013

#89: Slipped.

Dear Jon,

Vid and I had lunch with your mum yesterday. As always, it was lovely catching up. We realised that it had already been two years since we last met, can you believe that? Yet it didn't take much effort to pick up from where we left off. We resumed our seats in a neighborhood so familiar and began to chat the afternoon away.

We talked about school and work prospects, about our families, our personal lives. We talked about random topics like meditation and hair stylists. We talked about how much and how little things have changed over the last couple of years. And we talked about you, of course.

Among other things, your mum said Vid always looks different each time we meet. I suppose that could be true - we have grown up quite a bit. She called me bubbly and remarked that I have a sing-song voice. How strange! She also commented that (some of) the things I said over lunch were rather poetic and deep. To be honest, for a split second, that sounded more like you than her.

It's quite astonishing to think that six and a half years have come and gone since we've last seen your face. I'm still bewildered at how much of an impact your little 16 year old self had on everyone around you. How, even till this day, talking to you gives me calmness and strength when I need it the most.

I must admit that I often wonder what it would have been like to have continued growing up beside you. What your thoughts would have been on the decisions I have made or where our paths would have led us, had it still continued to run together.

But I trust that you're doing good and having a spectacular time, wherever you may be.

I'm always thinking about you, dodol ♥

Until we meet again,
Juli.

"And keep you here with me."